Wednesday, September 08, 2004

 

You know what? Lately, I've become more and more of a chicken. Yep. Me. *Bawk*bawk* =oD I don't know what it is. I remember a couple of years ago when I wasn't ascared of anything! I could walk around campus alone at night and nothing. I could go out at night and be as brave as hercules. I thought I was invincible! But now! I'm afraid of my own shadow. I can hardly sleep at night. I'm almost paranoid about prowlers, perverts and peepers who go around breaking into houses, raping girls and then strangling them. I can't even swim in my pool in the backyard without dragging my sister out there with me. I do laps while she sits in a lawn chair with my laptop talking to her friends on AIM. She can't swim too much because she has sensitive ears, but anyway, yes! I stand up and I shout! "I AM AFRAID OF THE DARK!" Then I hang my head in shame. I'm almost twenty and I fall asleep with the t.v. on sleep so I don't have to turn it off and walk in the darkness of my room. You know what I think it is? It’s cause I watch too much court tv. All the Forensic Files freak me out! People breaking into other people’s houses, committing murders. Yikes! Eh, it’s ok. First step is acceptance. I accept that I am a chicken.

You know what? Romance is in the air. I’m in the mood for some. It’s because I’ve been away from my boyfriend too long. Actually, I need socializing because I’ve been trapped in my house with no contact from the outside world ‘cept those lovely people who are online and talk to me. But, this isn’t about what I need, this is about what I want. I want some love. I want to be swept off my feet. I want to be wooed. *sigh* I want to have a movie romance. Of course it would be with my boyfriend whom I love very much. But I want something. Something new, exciting. I feel as if we’re stuck. And in a way we are. I mean we are in two different states. How romantic can you be? Maybe I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be with him. Yet, when I think about it now, it just seems kinda…..I dunno, boring. No, that’s not a good word. We do the same thing all the time. We rent movies, we watch them, we go to restaurants, we go home and sleep. I remember when we used to go to plays. I remember when we did stuff where I could get dressed up. But then again, I’m not sure my boyfriend is the romantic type. He’s extremely sweet and very caring and the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, but I don’t know if I would call him romantic. It’s not like he has “I love Debbie” written out on the sky for me or he surprises me with an outdoor scavenger hunt that eventually leads to a picnic. (Which, by the way, I’ve had done for me by an ex and guys! Pay attention because it really does the charm) It’s not like I want romance all the time, but once in a while, I like to be lead instead of leading. But, romance doesn’t come cheap. Love might, but romance surely doesn’t. *sigh* oh the life of the poor college student.

posted by Debbie 11:27 PM

Saturday, August 28, 2004

 
I might go down to L.A. to visit Lisa. My dad says I could. But....I dunno. I probably would have fun. But then, it's kind of nerve racking. I'd meet Lisa's friends and stuff. So-Cal people. The other thing is that the tickets would cost so much! I feel bad for spending so much of my parent's money already. During summer quarter, I spent like 416 dollars dinning out. But you know what?? My dad said it was okay! Man I was so relieved. It's because my dad has been saving money in other areas. like saving major money.

That reminds me that I have to look up my books and find cheaper places to buy them at. And also, I have to buy my plane tickets for fall. And I have to call Marissa to see if I could borrow her car.

That reminds me of another thing. Justin and I are planning a trip to Ohio. Yea, I know what you're thinking...OHIO?? But that's where his dad and his family live. Justin wants me to meet them and stuff. I'm kind of nervous. But they sound like totally cool people. The only thing I hate about meeting new people or parents is that I feel pressured to talk and make conversation. I hate that. I never really know what to say or how much to say. I'm always afraid of looking like a fool. Especially, meeting parents. Actually, I don't like grown ups in general. But Justin's dad and his family seem really laid back and neat. I'm actually really excited to go and stuff.

Justin's invited to my house for Christmas or for the break between winter and fall quarter. I don't think his mom is too happy about that. *sigh* I don't know what to think about that. It's these things that make me think she doesn't like me but I know better. I know that she's just not really ready to let her baby go. Eh, whatever. I'm going to stay out of it. Okay, people are talking to me online. Laters!

posted by Debbie 11:21 PM

Thursday, August 26, 2004

 
I've started working out. I'm so busy during the school year that i've lost a considerable amount of weight. No, I mean I LOOK GOOOD! =o) But anyways, So now I feel uber guilty cuz i'm just lounging around, watching t.v. and pigging out.

I moved. To Fremont. We have a pool now. So that helps. Whenever I feel fat, I just jump in the pool do as many laps as i can and I feel better. I don't really like living in Fremont. I mean, it's a pretty cool place but it's so unfamiliar! Everytime I do something, I just end up driving back to San Jo and going to stores there. I drove back there to go to Target and eat Pho. I'm sure there's a target and a pho place here but....I can't find it!

oh yea, the yellow pages online suck! i went on there to look up the pho restaurant and my sister and i drove there. It wasn't there. nope. that's why i ended up driving back to san jo. *sniff*sniff* anyways, yea. it sucks.

know what else sucks? i have no one to go out with. i don't mean to date, i have a boyfriend and he is the most wonderful one there is. but i have no companions for adventures. my usual adventure buddy is in la. *sniff*sniff* but you know what? even if i did, i probably wouldn't want to go out anyway. hahaha i would be too lazy.

you want to know how sad i am? i bought a 1000 piece puzzle yesterday and i finished it in like 6 hours. hahaha i had nothing to do. but it was fun. i don't care. alright. i'm gonna go buy another one. shee ya!

posted by Debbie 1:44 PM

 

Wow! I haven't written a blog in almost a year. Lot's have passed. I don't even know where to start.

1. I'm still with Justin. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had. We started off really rocky, but I don't know. I spent Thanksgiving weekend with his family in his hometown and I saw what a really cool person he was. And ever since that time, we haven't really left each other's side. I don't know what held me back at first. Maybe I wasn't ready for a relationship yet or I wasn't quite sure about Justin. But I'm so glad he stuck in there and was so patient. I'm sure at the time everything was confusing and frustrating. But all that is in the past. I love him so much. I am really glad that we have made it this far and are still in love. He is so sweet, caring, kind, funny, sweet and wonderful. He wrote me a really sweet e-mail the other day. He told me how he felt about me and the letter just made my day. I will save it forever. He recorded a song he wrote for me and e-mailed that to me. I burned it onto a cd. The music is great and I love his voice. Although in some areas It's a little off but overall I love it. This summer is killing me. I hate being away from him for so long. It's only week 2 and I have 4 more to go. =( I wish summer would pass quickly so I can be with him again. Alright, mushy enough for you? Sorry about that but eh, that's love. =)

I think that's all i'm going to write now. I'll write more tomorrow since I have nothing to do now. I have no friends, no where to go, nothing to do.

posted by Debbie 1:40 PM

Monday, August 25, 2003

 
I don’t like Jeff Corwin. Have you seen him on the Animal Planet? I think he is a prissy little boy. Normally, I don’t watch the Animal Planet, but due to the unfortunate lack of interesting programs on t.v., I have no choice but to venture away from my comfortable Discovery Channel and TLC. I saw him, Jeff Corwin, in I think somewhere in Africa, riding in a land SUV with a group of very dark black men. And the SUV suddenly was stuck in the muddy road. So all of the men got out of the car to help push the car out and stuff. Everyone but Jeff Corwin. You can see shots of him lying under the shade of a tree. I even think he was complaining about how hot it was. And you know what else? I just saw him on VH1, on the “I love the 70s.” thing they are showing now. I have a theory about him. I don’t think he is true to the animals like Steve the Croc. Hunter is. I think that Jeff Corwin is a pretty boy who wasn’t good enough for real television and he was so desperate for fame, he decided to try and sneak in through the Animal Kingdom. I used to like him too. I was fooled by his mediocre good looks. Hey, I was young and I mainly watched the Disney Channel! But no more. I have like 80 different channels at home and I am truly disappointed at what my television has to offer me. Comcast cable I am outraged. So many channels, I should have something to entertain me during the wee hours of the night. But, no, if its not infomercials it’s the forensic files or watching pregnant women give birth. Please give me some more variety!
And when I think I’ve found the channels I find amusing, such as the Discovery Channel and USA, there suddenly is a dry streak and there is nothing to watch. And I am forced to recognize the imperfections and unsatisfactory performances of those clowns who further pollute my screen.

posted by Debbie 10:25 PM

Sunday, August 17, 2003

 
So hip cats what’s going on? Nothing much with me. I’ve mostly been doing nothing. I’ve been so bored. Bored out of my mind. Although I have some news. I finally went to the DMV to tell them that I lost my drivers license. It’s in the mail now. I bought a book; How To Get Into Medical School. I’m now beginning to realize how much work I have to do. It’s making me so lethargic. In fact, its so bad that I don’t even feel like typing the rest of the to you! So I think I’m gonna stop because there really isn’t anything to say anymore anyway. Wow, how many anys in that sentence?
posted by Debbie 10:38 PM

Saturday, August 02, 2003

 
Okay, long time no post. I know. It's update time.

Silly stuff first:
I got my mom to start waxing. I bought Sally Hansen's wax with the intention of using it on me a month ago. But I have yet to use it. I tried to use it after I first bought it but my hair wasn't long enough. I enlisted the help of my mom and she decided she'd give it a go, her hairs being longer than mine because she is a typical asian woman. They never bother to shave or anything because they are too conservative to wear sleevless shirts. I'm talking about the really traditional women. So, my mom's hairs were (yess i know it's disgusting, bear with me) fully grown so the wax naturally worked for her. And I am naturally jealous as hell. I want bare underarms. I am at the perfect stage in life to use bare underarms to the full use and it is bestowed upon my mother. GREAT! I know what you're thinking. You can have it too! Just don't shave for a little while and wait till the hairs are at the right length. But do you know what this mean? It means having hairy underarms for like two weeks! I tried, mind you, I didn't just flinch at the thought and give up. I really did try. But the feelings were utterly grotesque! I couldn't handle it anymore. I am usually one who will sacrafice anything for beauty, but this is just too much! The things women do for beauty. Honestly! Anyways, so now, my mother is enjoying the breezes under her arms, while I am wearing tee-shirts.

Boredom.
I am bored. I am bored with my life. Not that I don't do anything exciting. Plenty of exciting things happen to me. There was drama between my car and this bozo. There was excitement with Chris making a move on me! Which by the way, I am happy to say that I stood up for myself, fended off and he hasn't called me since. Whoo-Ray. School is fun, with the amount of laughing I do with Tammy, Lily, Scott, Olivier,and Ing about Humonga Thunga. Oh by the way, to settle this disput of whether its spelled humOnga thunga or humUnga thunga, how do you spell humongous? With an O after the m. Thank you very much! To fill you in, there's this girl in my french class. She is humongous, but that isn't the reason why we call her that. It was just a bonus. She's quite irritating, always inviting herself to join our circle of friends. I'm sure she's a pleasant person, but her mannerisms are not pleasant. She stands way to close to you while you talk to her. She says the most banal things. And most importantly, I think the thing that bothers me most about her is her lack of class. We were talking about guys. Most of us agree that if there is something wrong with a guy, even if it's just one thing, it completely turns us off. I think its something a respectable girl would do. I mean, why settle? Your boyfriend should be absolutely perfect in your eyes. Her response is that she has no preference. If the guy is interested in her, she would go for it. You know what that shows me? That she's desperate. I don't think that a girl shoul just go for anyone. The guy has to fulfill her requirements. She has this air of desperation that hovers about her. It's quite sickening and completely turns you off. Anyways, back to the subject. Yes I am bored. I'm bored with going to french class and learning things I've known for a couple of years. I'm bored with making fun of Humonga Thunga, I'm bored of seeing the same things everyday. Yet, I'm torn because although I'm bored, I feel like doing nothing. I think this is what boredom brings. This unsatiable feeling of just wanting to do nothing. I don't want to go out yet I don't want to stay at home. I don't want to call the same people because if you truly get down to it, there is still nothing to do and there's no sense in both of you being bored together. So I am bored.

Books
I just read this book, Jemima J. Its really interesting. It's about this girl who weighs 200+ pounds in London. She's in love with a co-worker who is extremely hansome. She discovers the internet and meets a man, who lives in L.A., online. She loses all her weight and surprisingly, without all that fat, she is really beautiful. She decides to visit her internet man who is a hunk and they fall in love. But she discovers that he is secretly seeing his secretary who turns out to be really really really fat, just like Jemima was before. He has an obese fetish. However, seeing as the new man, Brad and his secretary, Jenny, live in L.A. it wouldn't be good for them to be seen as a couple. Anyways, you can pretty much predict the ending. It's a really good book.

Love
Down to the juicy stuff. I miss Justin. I haven't talked to him in a while. He's still in Germany. Lucky him. I read his e-journal today. He wrote about me. =oD I really like him. I think he really likes me too. I think about him all the time. I sort of can't wait to get back to school, but then again, I really can because it really is nice to just sit around the house and do nothing all day long. I have no obligations right now. When I go back to school, my course will be so intense. It's going to be really hectic. Anyways, Patrick, my ex-boyfriend text messaged me the other day. He wants to go for coffee and *stuff* when I'm back in Seattle. I can't really deny him, because I still have his things, which I am depserately trying to give back. I don't think I really want to be his friend because I really fell for him and when we broke up, it really broke my heart, even though I didn't really show it. And besides, the type of person I am, is one who would rather forget when she moves on. Plus, I don't think people should be friends after they've broken up, unless the situation was were they've been together for a really long time like over a year and then broke up or if they were friends before they got together and it didn't work. Otherwise it would just cause so many problems for both parties regarding jealousies from current significant others.

Alright, that's about it. I have to go clean my room now. Later Dayz.
posted by Debbie 5:47 PM

Monday, July 07, 2003

 
I'm 18 years old and guess what. I'm a mom with a 6 year old baby. Or at least, it feels like it. My little brother Willie is basically mine. I'm the only one he listens to. The only one whom he follows and obeys. Of everyone in my family, I am the only one who has ever punished him for doing something bad. I set the ground rules for him, I disipline him, I raise him.

So you know what? I'm starting to think that it's not fair. Why should I have to be the one to bear this responsibility? Afterall, I didn't make the decision to have him. In fact, if I remember correctly, I wasn't even part of that decision making process. One night, out of the blue, my parents walked into my room and announced that I was going to have a little brother or little sister in the winter.

Tonight, my mother and I had a fight. I was a little bit more stern with my brother for coming to the dinner table with a bad attitude. He wasn't hungry yet I told him that he wasn't allowed to leave the table without finishing his dinner. Well, apparently, that didn't fit well with my mom. She spoils him. She gave me a lecture about being nice and not wanting to cramp his individuality while I snapped back that he needs stern rules. When it's time for dinner, it's time for dinner. When you sleep, you sleep. Just because you don't feel like it is not a valid excuse. How else will he learn proper health habits in the future? This is the prime time. What he learns now will affect and determine what he will be in the future. I can't have a spoiled prat running around throwing tantrums just because he didn't get what he wanted or he "felt" like it. No, I'm sorry, my "child" will not be one of those _____ in the stores who causes a scene. My "child" will be well-behaved, polite and the perfect embodiement of a civilized gentleman. I'm not saying that I'm limiting him and being one of those overprotective "mothers" who won't let their child do anything. I just think that there are basic rules a person should follow. For example:
there should be a schedule to follow, a basic one. When you get home from school, you do your homework. When you've finished, you can do whatever you want. It's your relax time, or play time. But work should be done. This helps eliminate the possibility of procrastination in the future. If I nip this in the bud, Willie won't have the tendency to procrastinate, as I do now, due to lack of this schedule when I was growing up. 2. When it's dinner time, you eat dinner. Not later, not earlier, then. If you don't eat, then you don't eat. I know that sounds harsh, but this helps stabalize the body. Metabolism is regulated and the body thus functions at its optimum. It's been proven that if you do things, like eat, sleep and possibly excercise, at regular set times everyday, your body functions at its best. And for a growing 6 year old boy, that is what he needs. Am I not right?

After dinner, you can do either one of two things, in my brother's case, he needs to practice his piano. Or you can also relax again because it is summer time. At 10, its time for bed.

You know, as I sit and write this, I just realized how much time and work this is gonna take. WHAT THE FUCK!? What kind of bullshit is this? I'm only 18 years old. Where's my life going? Where's my summer? How fair is this shit? So I'm forced to play mommy? Hey I wasn't stupid enough to have a baby when I can't raise one so why should I? Anyways, so this is gonna be my summer. If you'll excuse me, I have to put my "child" to bed because it's his bed time.
posted by Debbie 10:22 PM